The origin of Andrew’s birth is a topic that is fiercely debated.
Some say he’s the procreation of two beings so majestic that merely thinking their names would cause spontaneous defecation. While others seem to think he’s always existed, and will continue to exist, long after mankind’s exit from this celestial plane, like the tube sock.
Either way, one thing can undoubtedly be agreed upon; Andrew Guilde is a man.
Because of his Y chromosomes, he enjoys all things manly, which includes, but are not limited to beef jerky, catcalls, fishing, battle rap, cage fighting, comic books, garage karate, beer, cheap bar food, Tony Braxton, collegiate wrestling, and, of course, mythological creatures.
His contemporary peers consider him to be a “man’s man”. His manliness was questioned only once, in the spring of some year, to which he responded by arm wrestling He-Man blindfolded. This victory won him the opportunity to play Battleship with Lion-O from the Thundercats; which he inevitably won, besting the sword-wielding feline two-out-of-three.
He is a world-renowned philanthropist as his kindness and charity know no bounds. Last year, for example, he helped a humble blue collar union plumber named Mario Brothers rescue his girlfriend, Princess Peach, from the clutches of King Koopa. In return, Andrew wanted nothing more than a simple “thank you” and help with future plumbing problems.
Not to be confined to one box, he is also a man of many interests and hobbies. So, on every other Tuesday, at 6:45 am central time, he and Chuck Norris Skype, speak strictly in Pig-Latin Portuguese, and discuss subjects that range anywhere from the finer points of Russian hop-scotch to why alligators are so ornery*.
When Andrew isn’t out gallivanting with fabricated Americans, he tries his darndest to capture the madness in his head on paper. This results in novels, short stories, comic book scripts, screenplays, and various non-fiction articles on subjects that tickle his fancy. Don’t worry, he works on all this safely behind closed doors at an undisclosed location in Chicago.
In November of 2013, Andrew published his first comic book in GrayHaven Comics The Gathering anthology. In 2015, he completed his first creator-owned comic book, Man of Sin, that is set to be released throughout 2016.
When he’s not trying to create magic he enjoys spending quality time with his wife and building thunder forts** for their dog, Sammie.
If you have comments, concurs, or questions feel free to contact him via the contact page, Andrew loves to chat-chit.
*If you’re wondering, it’s because alligators have so many teeth but no toothbrush.
**Why? Because thunder’s scary, duh.